Start Again: Vipassana — Round #2
Like a possum in the headlights. Panting like a kiwi running from a stoat, madness. Total madness.
Here I was hauling a beefed up 20-ish kg bag, the thin straps lay heavy on my shoulders reminding me of each item packed, a back pack slung over my front backpacker style, all through Auckland city. A bit of a walk, three busses, and just to put the cherry on top a stretch of hitch-hiking to really connect with the locals and finish ‘er off. Ta-da. That’s it! Hence the panting-wide-eyed what the hell have I signed myself up for look.
So there I am, beaten — beaten — beaten before I have even begun. Again.
Smackbam in the middle of Makarau, Vipassana Medini — there I was. Here I am.
Before I drag you headfirst into any rabbit holes here’s some very basic context on Vipassana.
What Vipassana is not:
It is not a rite or ritual based on blind faith.
It is neither an intellectual nor a philosophical entertainment.
It is not a rest cure, a holiday, or an opportunity for socializing.
It is not an escape from the trials and tribulations of everyday life.
What Vipassana is:
It is a technique that will eradicate suffering.
It is a method of mental purification which allows one to face life's tensions and problems in a calm, balanced way.
It is an art of living that one can use to make positive contributions to society.
It is testing to most.
A privilege to some.
A life turning point to many.
A place of focus, self-discovery, and entry point to mastery of the mind.
A place to begin, to start again. Start again.
It hits me quick. The social-tension and yin/yang balance between those already self-imposing noble silence and those wanting to connect, fear vomit everything coming up for them in this moment, and me. Here I am, this ‘ol chestnut, lets go. Day 0.
For those on the outside of a Vipassana experience noble silence involves no talking, no eye-contact, no touch, no gestures, no written communication. Along with this is:
Abstain from killing any being: This means refraining from violence and harm towards any living creature.
Abstain from stealing: This encompasses honesty and integrity in all dealings.
Abstain from all sexual activity: This applies to the duration of the course.
Abstain from telling lies: This emphasizes truthfulness and sincerity.
Abstain from all intoxicants: This includes alcohol, drugs, and other substances that cloud the mind.
These are the 5-precepts (moral guidelines)
An odd feeling, sensation, and existence — balanced by such peace, serenity, and calm. Challenged, pulled into an introspective state similar to a long Canadian winter of low fog through the Kootenay valley, pushed into a different way of being knowing fair well that I’ll soon be in noble silence for 10-days.
Cloudiness Of the Mind |Location: Unknown (NZ bush)
That’s the bell 4:00am, Day 1.
Days start at 4:00am with the bell and finish at 9pm after a 1.5hr discourse video on the teachings of the day, generally laughter — as our teacher S. N. Goenka puts the teachings into real-life examples with a humorous and almost miraculous too-close-to-home edge — and a final 30min meditation.
The silence doesn’t get to me, I actually enjoy it. I’m not one to get skittish in a car listening to the engine murmur, tyres on the road, and wind rattling an open window. I will whistle though, you can count on that.
To me there’s a serene peace of mind for me about knowing others aren’t going to talk to me, talk at me, or obnoxiously fill a void where my thoughts were once present. There’s quite a bit going on in my head at all times. Relatable? I may never know. Slowly and meticulously ticking away on daily tasks, daily interactions and asks, and lifetime projects.
Grateful for both my mind and depending understanding of the inner-workings.
Sitting for hours on end each day the sensations that came up most for me were pain, tension, and tightness. Riding 1000km before hand likely didn’t help. Putting my body through serious injury in my 20’s likely didn’t help either. Sitting into the sensation of pain, challenging.
I quickly learn the depth of my aversion to pain and how easily I want to run from it. I also realize how normal this is with some of the experiences that I’ve been through. I also work with the compassion for myself and how I’m not here to torture myself through pain, this is entirely not the point of Vipassana.
So, I change positions a few times during the each of the hour-long sits in a day. I decide to sit on a meditation stool to slowly ‘massage’ my quads into a sense that they can finally let go and relax. Convincing a kid to never have ice-cream again would have been an easier task, with less tears.
I sleep with the sensation of my quads throbbing, grateful they are there, for their support, and sigh.
Relax.
I’m also in hysterical laughter.
In comfort.
In bliss.
Within.
The suns out, day 7. Barefoot. He’s got a stick balanced on his head as others look on. I’m on my 15-min walk through the dense fern-filled forest before our 6-7pm meditation in the meditation hall. I can see through the trees as he walks up and down our 50m grass patch simply balancing this stick. With success and with failure. Laughter erupts, I can’t.
Simple pleasures and simple laughter. I do my best to not disturb others as someone walks past me and I feel my cheeks happily sore and stomach tight from laighter. At ease. It’s interesting with 10-days of silence and VERY low stimulation what the mind — well my mind — creates, processes, and discovers.
An interesting process of learning, unlearning, and discovery. Of building routines, trusting the process, and surrendering to the many obstacles of simply sitting in stillness observing the sensations of my body.
I would recommend Vipassana to most.
Why? It’s the only thing I’ve ever done (now twice) where leaving I have felt such a sense of presence, of peace, and of deep-calm. If anything this is merely a point of comparison to know how my nervous system and mind are coping with my life — each chapter a new feeling — and, having been at points in life of deep stress, depression, and slow building anxiety a way to begin recalibration.
What would I have found benefit knowing before my first Vipassana?
You are there to learn the technique of Vipassana and not for any other reason, although there are other benefits.
As with any course it is both important to talk to the manager about any practical challenges and teacher for any questions around the material specifaclly. I ended up talking to our teacher a few lunch times when questions came up; for example mentioning where my mind was going when the sensation of pain came up and what I was doing to overcome that.
I napped during each break for 15-30mins this time through the course and helped for both the morning and evening meditations.
Knowing the course-schedule and meal-schedule before hand could have helped reduce anxiety of the unknown, however, it is seemingly extreme and this could have also put me off.
Trust.
Trust yourself. Trust the process.
And maybe simply sign-up as you can always opt out closer to.
I was meditating 15mins a day before going to my first Vipassana and had stopped meditating before going to my second Vipassana. While there’s no perfect answer as to what the pre-reqs are. You could be the type to watch something first.
I found this documentary beyond interesting on practical aspects of Vipassana as well as what the introduction of Vipassana looked like being introduced to a prison system. A female inspector general introduced Vipassana at Jaipur prison of 10,000 inmates, in India.
Documentary: Doing Time: Doing Vipassana.
Honestly, that’s all I have for you, hit me up if you are interested to learn more, and I may come back one day and flesh this out. Likely not.
Start again, a daily ritual.
With the breath, presence, and compassion,
Live well today,
Marlon
